I got your attention with that headline, didn't I? Let me explain.
I'm working on a new fiction project that involves an extra-marital affair. I, myself, am a serial monogamist. I used to think that I didn't get the whole affair thing. And, on many levels I still don't. But, I remember remarking to a friend in the first year of residency that I think I can understand how it happens better now than I ever could before, at least in medical marriages.
So, Saturday, D and I decided to go out for an early dinner; she'd been working all day and I had, too. I'd had to travel to campus for a 24 hour deal and had gotten in late the night before and had a stack of papers to grade while she was in her training Saturday morning. So, we went out for dinner.
While we were having wine and cheese, we talked about the new project and a movie I want to watch titled Men, Women, & Children. It's free on Prime right now, and despite having Adam Sandler in it is a drama (Want some fun? Read all of the 1 star reviews that complain that the movie isn't family friendly. It's not supposed to be. Read the description or watch the trailer, folks). Anyway, I mentioned it as some research, as there is an Ashley Madison storyline in it, apparently. And, I mentioned that I never understood affairs before, but I think I kind of can see how they happen now that we're in the midst of residency. From D: "I can only imagine how hard it is that total strangers always come first."
She gets me. There's no better explanation of what it's like in those moments when you think "what the hell were we thinking when D decided to go into medicine?" But, at least for us, there was a discussion before she made that leap. I wasn't ignorant of what this journey would mean, and with that forethought and my serial monogamy I think things will be just fine.
My characters, however, are another matter.
This blog is written from the perspective of an older medical spouse who happens to be childless by choice. I hope that husbands, older spouses, those childless by choice, and others will find this entertaining and occasionally useful.